I wish I could take a cooking course in Italy, I thought to myself last year. Not one to wish idly, I am currently in possession of a round-trip plane ticket for June. The logical next step? Consulting the infallible wisdom of every film ever set in Italy for travel tips.
I began my research this week with a careful viewing of the venerable 90’s rom com, Only You – lauded by the New York Times at “frankly touristy.” With close study, I was able to learn that driving from Venice to Rome can be very taxing on female friendships, losing a shoe in Rome is the best way to find your destiny, and Italian airport employees will instantly bend all security rules to get you on a plane if they believe that you are in love with someone on-board.
Most usefully though, I was able to begin my packing list:
1) Red kerchief. Nothing says “I’m ready for my Venetian gondola ride” like a red piece of cloth tied around your neck.
2) Red dress, red shawl, red heels, and red rose. Head-to-toe monochrome is the only way to go if you’re planning to wander the streets of Rome with a shoe salesman, saying things like “I was born to kiss you” with a straight face.
3) Sunglasses. Preferably the type that lend themselves to dramatic lowering if/when you spot a be-wigged, be-necklaced Billy Zane emerging shirtless from a pool in Positano.
4) White, mock-turtleneck, floor-length dress with triangular side cut-outs. Ideal for those Amalfi Coast evenings when you reject Robert Downey Jr. because your brother did not spell his name on a Ouija board when you were 11.
5) The puff-sleeved wedding dress you will never wear again now that you are dumping your fiance for a man you met two days ago, who loves you enough to lie about his name, send you on a wild goose-chase through the Italian countryside, and pay a friend to take you on a terrible date so he’ll look like relationship material by comparison.