After 4 weeks of yoga 4 times a week, I am prepared to announce the winners of the 4×4 Yoga Awards:
1) Most ubiquitous accessory: The Lulumon lunch bag, which is apparently the only acceptable way to carry your Lulumon water bottle, Lulumon hair ties, and deep sense of inner peace (purchased separately).
2) Least tactful acknowledgement of my hyper-extended elbows: “Yikes. Oh sweetie. No, no, no.”
3) Least helpful assist: My cat interpreting lotus position as an open invitation to jump on my back.
4) Most incomprehensible instruction: “Gaze inwardly through your third eye and greet yourself.”
5) Instruction most irksomely reminiscent of street harassment: “Smile softly!”
6) Fanciest man-braid: Tamal Dodge, Elemant.
7) Most aggressive half-moon encouragement: “Do it, mami! Do it, do it, DO IT!” – Jillian Michaels, Yoga Meltdown.
9) Low Point: Flying too close to the sun for several beats in crow position before toppling to kick the girl besides me and land directly on my head.
10) High point: Realizing that the reason I’m so often short of breath is because I’ve been breathing wrong my whole life – and it’s fixable.